A Horrible Host: Beware of Shiny Aliens Who Want You to Live like Canadians

Last night I went to the Arclight Pasadena with Alethea to see a midnight screening of the Host.  I believe we both went in knowing that Rotten Tomatoes was currently listing it as 10% (update: now 12%) but we both have higher than average tolerance for bad content.  (My opinion. I also like to complain about inferior content so that could have increased my desire to go.)

After waiting in line for hours to see Stephenie Meyers and the cast of the Host at the Grove, how could I not see the movie?  And it took me several days to finish the book which I did.  I was somehow dedicated to the idea that I was going to endure this … movie.  And so with the help of Frank, the best Arclight Pasadena greeter and a manhattan made with jack, I tried to sit through the invasion of shiny aliens who want you to live like Canadians.

I did not enjoy the movie. In the beginning it was easy for me to find things to laugh at but I did end up sleeping in the middle of the movie.  I think that’s a problem with me and midnight showings.  I really need to caffeine prep for these things.  Also if I know the book I kinda know what’s going to happen and perhaps my mind wants to skip the boring parts.

The movie seemed to be a fairly accurate interpretation of the book, much to the detriment of the film.  I do not care for the character of Melanie; she seems to be an exaggerated characterization of the overly emotional human.  I’m concerned almost that her immaturity and irrationality are normal for females but none of the women in my life have ever behaved like this (that I know of).

And the men are just awful flat characters. I can’t really explain the disconnect between reality and the characters, but at times it felt like the humans were the least realistic aspect of this science fiction film.  Where chrome soap dishes gently hover from space transporting ethereally delicate alien invaders.

“Never before has the plight of pretty people been so uninteresting to me.” I was thinking of tweeting this during the end credits.  The end credits included the song Radioactive by Imagine Dragons and it has decreased my opinion of Imagine Dragons.  It’s safe to say that I do not like them.  I’m not sure if I liked them previously or if I was indifferent.

The Seeker wears all white except for her fawn heels.  That seemed weird.  I don’t understand why you would have a character wearing all white … except for their shoes.  And having that one other color be fawn.  I didn’t notice other seekers with fawn shoes so I don’t think that was their uniform.

When Wanderer is wandering around the desert, she’s doing so in heels.  Not like stiletto heels but still they seemed like the least practical footwear possible.  But that’s ok … she was walking on rocks.  (Wait what?)  Did she need the heels so that her shoe print profile would be reduced so if she stepped on small rocks…. oh I can’t believe I’m trying to rationalize that.

The seekers like to travel around in shiny chrome vehicles.  This is necessary so when Kruger’s Seeker (Seeker Ahab) thinks she spots the mirror they can blame it on the light reflecting on a Seekermobile.  Oh Seeker Ahab.  They gave too much foreshadowing into your inner conflict so the reveal at the end that you too are having issues controlling your host it just didn’t seem as satisfying.

None of the humans died from cancer which is a shame because I thought that was a nice part of the book.  Nor did we get to see Wanderer teach in San Diego about her lives on other planets.

There is a part where Jared and (Ian?) are monitoring the Seekers through field glasses (binoculars) and it had really bad ADR.  I was disappointed that they could have edited the cut aways so I didn’t notice that people were speaking while their mouths weren’t moving.  What, did they spend too much money on the computer generated rain?

I can’t even ship Ian and Jared right now you guys.  They seemed to always be wearing clothes.  Maybe I slept through a steam room scene or something.

This is a bad review.  I apologize that I am unable to organize my thoughts in a way that makes sense but I am an overly emotional human.  If you’ve read this entire post, please know that I appreciate this and I hope that you will avoid watching The Host and reading The Host and that your weekend is pleasant and that one day we won’t be a bunch of dirty humans living in holes hiding away from a society of peace where everybody has healthcare, sufficient food and oh my god.

Is this a metaphor for society?  Stephenie Meyers trying to fight against communism?  Now I think I’m over analyzing it.

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